Unorthodox weight loss methods

The twins are over 3 months old now, so the "I just had twins" excuse is nearing its expiration date. Before I had kids, I didn't cook and rarely even shopped for groceries, and I mostly lived on frozen meals, so I wasn't drowning in temptation like I am now. This is the house of sugar and fat. The obvious solution is to stop buying fattening, sugary food, but every time I do that I end up just making a special trip (okay, making my husband make a special trip) for dessert anyway. Clearly, a less traditional approach is called for.

I have settled upon a two pronged approach. It involves style choice changes, rather than actual lifestyle choice changes, so I think it has a shot. Plus, thanks to an overdose of Project Runway, I'm all about style, at least in my head.

Prong 1, clothing - Effective immediately, I am going to wear actual clothes, rather than maternity clothes, yoga pants, or sweat pants. I need pants that do NOT have room for more - more food, or more of me. I like to call this approach the "external gastric bypass," as the constriction of real, buttoned waistbands makes eating huge quantities of crap so much less fun.

Prong 2, hair/makeup - I went to my local, crack-ho-staffed Great Clips today and had most of my hair chopped off. Now, my extra chins are on full display, and I can no longer deny their existence. I also resolve to start wearing at least a teeny bit of makeup every day like a regular grown-up - like myself, anyway, pre-hideous-twin-pregnancy - in an effort to feel just a teeny bit more attractive than the blob of gelatinous ooze I've been for most of 2006. Fake it til you make it, or some similar obnoxious rhyme-y motivational phrase.

Surely these steps will have me in fabulous shape for Keith's high school reunion in, um, 3 weeks. Right?