Plague redux (is that the right usage for that weird word?)

After a couple months without seeing the pediatrician, we started missing her. We're making up for lost time now. Both twins have ear infections, the asthmatic three year old is wheezy and had a chest x-ray today and is starting a daily regimen of Singulair, and I made a late-evening trip to the pediatric urgent care because big boy had a headache all day and then his hand went numb and I freaked out and assumed he was having a 6 year old stroke. Fortunately, he is stroke-free, but he does have strep. Poor bug. Throw in the mystery infection I'm on antibiotics for and well over half of the family is under doctor's care. Lame.

Always two there are [...], a master and an apprentice

It is probably a testament to my unfunctioning brain that I am beginning to think almost exclusively in quotes from movies and songs. I'm sure my husband will be thrilled when he reads this and learns that he has infected me, at long last, with Star Wars. The master and apprentice quote popped into my head this morning while I was recapping the (long) night's sleep (or lack thereof). My daughter is malleable and bright - after only two days and nights of the new routine, her sleep is measurably improved. She is starting to get tired at the "right" times, is not sleeping in cat naps all evening, went to bed peacefully, and only got up once all night long. I love her. She is beauty and grace and light. My son. Well. Not as bright. Not as malleable. He was pretty much up all night again. It is so fortunate for him that he is cute and did not come with a gift receipt.

Another phrase rattling around in the wasteland of my brain is "I get by with a little help from my friends." I know I bitch a lot, but by and large I'm very happy, and I'd be utterly miserable if it weren't for the incredibly generous people in my life. I have friends checking on me every day, friends taking my big kids so they don't have to endure house arrest with me (and so I don't have to endure them enduring it), friends bringing food. A big part of the reason I can't wait to get some rest and rejoin society is so I can pay it back and (cheese alert) pay it forward. When I worked full time, I rarely came in contact with this side of human nature, this generosity of spirit, and now I live in a world of it and I'm so grateful.

Back in a minute with cute twin pictures!

I won the nap battle, but...

I was on a roll. I was firm, I was determined, I was focused like a frickin laser. The babies got up at 8 (their preference after a hard night of getting up every hour is to sleep in while I get up and take out my exhaustion on their brothers and grandmother). I kept them awake against their will until 10, when they both napped in their cribs. After they woke up, I kept them up again until 2, and again! they both napped in their cribs. I let them be for the most part after that, and they each of their own accord took a brief nap in the early evening. All signs pointed to a good night. And god. knows. We need a good night.

It is now 10:57. Girl twin fell asleep at 10. I put her in her crib. She slept for ten minutes. She screamed. I patted her. She screamed. I nursed her. She screamed. I turned on her CD. Her brother screamed downstairs. I nursed him while my husband patted her. She is now, 57 minutes later, still screaming. I hate that I hate her right now. She is small and soft and sweet and such a good baby in every other way, but the noise she's making feels like it may actually kill me. I swear, I need sleep in some deep and desperate way and it feels like if I can just express how deep and desperate the need is, somehow the universe will relent and I will get it. I keep thinking "I can't go on," but I haven't figured out an alternative, so on I keep going.

I am as tired of the self-pity as any reader must be, but I have nothing else in my head right now. Hopefully, I'll have something more promising to report in the morning.