I was on a roll. I was firm, I was determined, I was focused like a frickin laser. The babies got up at 8 (their preference after a hard night of getting up every hour is to sleep in while I get up and take out my exhaustion on their brothers and grandmother). I kept them awake against their will until 10, when they both napped in their cribs. After they woke up, I kept them up again until 2, and again! they both napped in their cribs. I let them be for the most part after that, and they each of their own accord took a brief nap in the early evening. All signs pointed to a good night. And god. knows. We need a good night.
It is now 10:57. Girl twin fell asleep at 10. I put her in her crib. She slept for ten minutes. She screamed. I patted her. She screamed. I nursed her. She screamed. I turned on her CD. Her brother screamed downstairs. I nursed him while my husband patted her. She is now, 57 minutes later, still screaming. I hate that I hate her right now. She is small and soft and sweet and such a good baby in every other way, but the noise she's making feels like it may actually kill me. I swear, I need sleep in some deep and desperate way and it feels like if I can just express how deep and desperate the need is, somehow the universe will relent and I will get it. I keep thinking "I can't go on," but I haven't figured out an alternative, so on I keep going.
I am as tired of the self-pity as any reader must be, but I have nothing else in my head right now. Hopefully, I'll have something more promising to report in the morning.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I won the nap battle, but...
Posted by Debbi at 10:52 PM
Labels: again, babies suck, sleep
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4 comments:
Dude. I am feeling you.
Alden woke up every hour after 2 until 6. I loathe her with the heat of a thousand suns. I feel like if I look at her, with only hate in my eyes alas, she will burst into flames.
Truly, i don't know why I had them. Well her. I love my son. HE is great. I had a dog. I had a cat. We could travel, had lots of money, I had a great job.
It is a new low when sleep has become the priority in life.
Dude, I am feelin ya. (Although I do offer that your pain is more terrible because you can't even yell at them and have them react and feel bad. Alleast I can be mean to her and it is meaningful. I am such a great mother. wow.)
xxxx
ugh, nothing quite like a baby/child scream to feel like you're skin's coming off. and i think sleep is the foundation of health...if you don't sleep, you feel like crap and everyone.must.pay.
my sincere condolences. you are the woman, debbi.
I am going through the same thing with my baby boy....never wants to sleep....and I dooooooo! Good luck. I loved the way you said "I hate that I hate her right now", because that is how it feels. I hear ya. I haven't slept for....I don't know how long.
I think it takes three days for a new sleep schedule to take hold, so if you keep it up during the day, the night will follow. I am a very strict nap/sleep mommy. For both of them, it was/is my goal to have the head hit the pillow at the same time for every nap and bedtime. Then, their bodies become programmed to be asleep at those times. It can be a huge drag on your schedule, though (boring and inconvenient).
How long do you let them cry (if I dare to ask)?
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