Ah, memories

We rented a dumpster to clean out the gigantic dump our basement has become, and we are spending the day emptying the house into it. It would be much more efficient just to tip the house on its side and let everything shake out, but we haven't been able to design a mechanism. This is the most physical labor I've done in ages, and I'm unsurprised to discover that nope, I still don't enjoy exercise.

During breaks from the gulag, we're watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (for roughly the 9,349th time). My husband's favorite part is when Johnny Depp (doesn't just his name give you shivers? I loooove him) says "don't touch that squirrel's nuts!" I proceeded to explain the double entendre to my five year old. You may think five is a bit young, but I have two scarring memories centered around not knowing slang, and I'm not going to let my children be similarly scarred.

Memory 1: 4th grade. Ms. McKinley's class. Jesus, how did I remember that? Anyway, the boys had a daily routine of coming into home room and proceeding to pretend to kick each other, all yelling "don't kick me in the nuts!" Wanting to join in, one day I ALSO yelled, "don't kick ME in the nuts either!" The whole class fell silent, then began laughing at me as one. It was so mortifying, this only started being funny to me sometime around last week.

Memory 2: Whenever Like a Virgin came out. During gymnastics class (my most vivid memories of gymnastics, by the way, have to do with having to do my stupid vocabulary homework while my sister had her class. Doesn't it seem cruel and unusual to make children copy entries from the dictionary?). With Madonna singing overhead, the cool girls in the class started giggling and saying "are you a virgin?" to everyone. When they got to me, I said "NO!" very emphatically, as I had no idea what a virgin was but knew it sounded like something I wanted no part of.

There is some life lesson I learned from these awful blunders, but the family is gearing up to go back outside, so I'd better wrap it up. I so do not want to be a garbage man when I grow up.