My summary of the State of the Union farce

"Lean to the right, Lean to the...right, stand up, robots, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

Scene: the US Capitol building
Bush: blah blah blah
Republicans: leap to their feet and clap
(Repeat, ad nauseum)

Who's still thinking it's a good idea to hitch their cart to this jackass in an election year?

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This just in: Dumbhole Dubya just said "our foreign policy is based on a clear premise"

I stopped listening to type this, so I don't know what his actual premise summary was, but I think the truth lies somewhere between the guesses in our living room:

My guess: "We're the boss of you"
My husband's guess: "We don't like brown people."

I'm officially old

I'm officially starting in-class pre-requisites next week (my organic chemistry class was online), so I went to the college today to pay tuition, buy books, get my ID, etc. My first indicator that I wasn't in Kansas (aka, the real live gwown-up world) anymore was the mile long line of prepubescent-looking fellow students at the bursar's office. To add insult to the injury of the long, young line, I appeared to be the only person actually giving money to the college. Everyone else was getting some kind of rebate. Lame. Do kids still say lame?

While I was in the only-old-people-pay line, I talked briefly with a life-sized Barbie doll, done up in full makeup and very fancy clothes to get her mystery rebate. The conversation went like this:

Barbie: Are you a transfer student?
Me: (incredulously) No, I'm old.
Barbie: Yeah, I know, but you could still be a transfer.

Yeah, I know? Biyotch.

And then, the final blow. After paying my tuition, I walked the 6 miles uphill in the snow (it was literally snowing, and uphill, but probably only felt like 6 miles) to the building where one gets one's student ID (because why put all adminstrative functions in one building?). I filled out my application form and stood in yet another line, then gave my form to the clerk. Her first question? "Have you been to HR yet?" It took me a minute, but then I realized what she meant and answered, "no, I'm not faculty, I'm a student."

Next week should be interesting.

My husband thinks I'm insane

In my ongoing quest for ways to make myself a more appealing med school candidate, despite my sub-par undergrad GPA (what I'd really like to do is a Jedi-mind-trick-style wave of the hand and say, these are the grades you're looking for), I have been researching international volunteer opportunities. Not only would it be supercool to travel to unlikely places (Mongolia! Moldova! other random places starting with the letter M!), but I could learn interesting things, possibly actually help people, look good on my med school applications, and join the movement toward volunteer tourism (the Today Show said there is such a movement, so it must be true).

My favorite international volunteerism website so far is Projects Abroad - in addition to volunteer opportunities in healthcare, teaching, etc, you can choose to do immersion language in a foreign country. Now THAT would be awesome. I really want to actually speak Spanish, especially because I'm always called upon at the hospital to talk to the Spanish-speaking patients, even though my Spanish is so poor that the patients and staff alike mock my efforts (and yet I'm the best speaker we have, scary). So, now the idea has evolved into me and my husband taking a two week vacation to some lovely remote location to learn a valuable skill together. Romantic, right? Sadly, my husband isn't feeling the love. A few of his choicer comments, made after I mentioned Senegal as a possible destination (I'm afraid these may reveal some unfortunate cultural biases on the part of my husband, which is a little funny considering I had to tell him where Senegal is):

• "Just what i wanted - a starving vacation where I don't understand anyone and I fear for my life."
• "Where is your internet connection? 'Here, put your letter in this camel's hump.'"
• "Hello, I am Keith. 'Hi, I'm Al, Al Queda.'"

He also tried to talk me out of my plan by asking if this was all in reaction to my aborted attempt, earlier in the day, to purchase some pretty clothes for my daughter on sale from Gymboree, home of strangely addicting and yet ridiculously priced children's clothing. He interrupted my discussion of the appeal of India to say, "would buying some red patent-leather shoes make this better?" I'm afraid we've passed the point where small red shoes can deter me. Although they are really cute, and I may have to get them also.

Other highlights of my day included a nap, a change from old pajamas to new pajamas (the hallmark of a truly decadent day), an abysmal failure in culinary adventure (don't ever try this recipe, it was putrescent), and a moment of agony in which I brilliantly poured boiling water not into the sink but rather onto my feet. Quite painful.

Off to peruse more volunteer websites. Can you hear my husband groaning?

I'm feeling underwhelmed

In a good way. I have lots of things going on - I'm a dabbler - but I feel happier and more free than I can remember ever being. It's entirely due to the enviable amount of support I get. I could never follow my bliss like this without a sugar daddy (my husband) to pay the bills and a free servant (my mother) to watch my kids and house.

I spent six hours at the hospital today. I know this is the right road for me, because I'm always disappointed when it's time to go, even when my back is breaking and my feet are aching and I've seen more horrific things that I never want to happen to me in one afternoon than I even imagined in my first 31 years of life. I'm looking forward to learning the art and science of medicine, but so far my hospital exposure has taught me more about myself than anything else. I've learned that I have a strong stomach and more curiosity than I thought. Most surprisingly, I've learned that I'm fairly patient and good with people, at least in small doses and short bursts. When I'm volunteering, I often end up "babysitting" patients who need a little extra care - because of excessive pain, or mental illness, or general neediness. I wouldn't have pegged myself as all that kind, but it's rewarding to see people chill out just because I'm holding their hands. It would be even nicer if such simple tricks worked on my kids.

I have to cut back my volunteering after next week, because school is starting up again. I'm retaking Chemistry I and Physics I, because my advanced age has resulted in my original grades being too old for med school consideration. Maybe this time I'll actually understand something in physics! I'm also teaching another computing class at a local community college. I hope I get as good a group of students this time as I did last time. I should probably start preparing for class. And pay my tuition. And change my volunteer schedule. And get groceries and make doctors' appointments and write a note to the boy's teacher and email the other boy's occupational therapist and clean my house.

No wonder I'm not overwhelmed, I'm not really doing very much after all.

I'm freakin' awesome

I got an A- in Organic Chemistry! I was so excited when I got my grade, I did a little dance including jazz hands that greatly entertained my friends at the hospital (I was volunteering when I got my grade). I feel like now I'm really and truly going to be a doctor, because I survived the first hurdle. Physics I and Chemistry I ought to be nothing after this, right? Right?

God, I hate Physics.

But yay me!!!!

My weekly update

I'm sure I'll be glad for the writer's strike once school starts back up and I don't have the distraction of new shows, but I'm missing good TV during my month-long hiatus. Of course, I could opt to use this time for personal enrichment or cleaning the house or going through the absolute avalanche of clothes in the children's rooms (only about 5% of which actually fit the children currently and, in the case of a certain insane 4 year old, do not have any designs on them), but naturally I'm choosing to just watch stupid reality shows and reruns and whine.

I'm also continuing my obsessive reading about all things med-school related. It's fun and new to me to be so interested in something for so long that is not a man or a child. I write practice personal statements in the shower, review calculus from library books in preparation for physics (god help me, I hate physics). I was beginning to get pretty seriously discouraged this week, when it became apparent that the final exam I took for my distance learning organic chemistry class on December 20 was just not making it to its final destination. The prospect of possibly having to retake the 4 hour exam was not pleasant. I spoke with people at both the proctoring service and the distance learning university several times, and finally lost my cool with one of them this morning - miraculously, 5 minutes later she called to say that the exam was sitting in their mail room and had never been sent. It does seem to me that if the job of a proctoring service is just to watch you take a test and then mail it, they ought to actually DO the mailing, but I'm so relieved that it isn't forever eaten by the postal system I guess I'll get over it. Of course, now I have to begin waiting in earnest for my grade - I hope I don't regret hounding them to find the test.

My new toy

I am typing this post from what is probably my favorite thing I have ever owned - my supercute crazy tiny PINK laptop. Now I HAVE to get straight As, right?

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my husband? It's not enough that he supports my crazy doctor dream, he also buys me little pink electronics. Woohoo!

Update: I realized after I posted that this picture makes the laptop look really big. It's like 8"x6". It's MINI. It's like a big iPod. I love it!

Parenting lessons

I am being unusually lazy today, even for me. It's freezing, and I have a headache, and there's nothing I have to do, so I'm opting to do nothing. I love doing nothing sometimes. I'll be busy enough in a month, when school starts back up for me (both teaching and taking classes), so I can rationalize soaking up the sloth now. Not that I can't always justify it, it's just easier right now.

Sadly, my 4 year old did not get the Mommy-gets-to-do-nothing-today memo. He wants me to play inane autistic games involving wood block armies and tinkertoy ship building - all well and good for brief periods of time, but unsustainable as all-day activity to a fully functioning brain. Hush, my brain is TOO fully functioning. So, I resorted to sort of just ignoring him (muttering "uh-huh" at intervals) and hoping he'd find an imaginary friend to play with instead. When this strategy backfired (he just got closer and closer to my face, asking questions like "you don't want to mess wif a fairy, right?"), I reached for that old parenting-excellence mainstay, the remote control.

Alas, I could not find it. Rather than channel (get it, channel?) my irritated energy into interacting with the boy, I spent the next 10 minutes tearing up the living room, finally emerging triumphant with my prize from under the couch. So now, there is peace in our time. I love the Backyardigans.

And there's today's parenting lesson, from me to you: never lose the remote.

Big girl, big dreams

I have been completely unmotivated regarding weight loss this past year, due to a combination of extreme sleep deprivation and unintentional weight loss through breastfeeding. The weight loss has tapered off now, though (and actually reversed some over the holidays), and I'm temporarily food-averse because of this lingering nasty stomach bug, and it's New Year's, and The Biggest Loser is on (although I'm fairly certain I'm the biggest loser for watching it). So, now I'm thinking thin, or at least less thick. I'm even considering trying to start running, using one of those couch-to-5K programs. I know, it's madness.

While I'm being semi-resolute, here are some other self-improvement plans I've been mulling over from my invalid state on the couch this week:

• Better parenting - I started the effort on this one tonight with new house rules and a clearly laid-out daily routine for Spazzy McGee my 6 year old.
• Better organization - I bought a purse calendar and everything! I'm finally conceding that six kids plus no memory requires a written schedule.
• Staying in touch - I need to make a better effort to let all of my friends know how much and how often I think of them, especially the ones I don't talk to often.
• Scholastic perfection - This year kicks off my real push toward medical school, and I need to be as close to perfect as possible to make up for a rough undergraduate record.

I swear there were more - I guess I'm not really all that motivated to pursue them if I can't remember them, though. Can you believe it's 2008? I LOVE 2008!