Blowin' in the wind

I'm afraid I'm a very weak-willed, indecisive person. I tend to agree with whomever I'm speaking with at any given time on almost any topic (one exception is politics - under no circumstances was anyone ever able to sway me into thinking Bush was anything less than a complete disaster). It's not just nodding and smiling, either - I can talk to someone with view A and fully believe what they're saying, then talk to another person with diametrically opposed view B and become equally committed to their viewpoint. I like to chalk it up to being a Pisces, rather than to fundamental flakiness.

So now I'm noticing that this wishy-washiness extends to more than ideological debate. Since the twins were just a few months old, I've toyed with the idea of going back to work, at least part time. I don't know why it keeps popping into my head. God knows I have my hands full enough here, and I like being home with the kids, and although we certainly aren't rich, we are fortunate enough not to need me to work to pay bills. So why do I keep thinking of working? I think it comes down to some yearning for instant gratification and a different kind of fulfillment than I get from parenting. I love my kids, but I won't know for years if all this work is effective - and even then, I won't know how much credit to take for success or how much blame for failure. Working has a much more immediate payoff - even on a bad work day, you get the positive feedback of a paycheck and another task to do.

The real indecisiveness enters the picture when I consider what to do, if I do anything at all. So far, the things I've considered (really thought about and looked into, not just gave passing thought to) include: tax preparation, freelance writing, starting an online backup business, knitting children's clothes, and doing IT consulting. I've also thought about going back to school to be: a speech pathologist, an environmental engineer, a lawyer, and a radiology tech. You can see the troubling lack of focus here.

Yesterday, I went house shopping with a friend, and during the course of the two or so hours we were out, I talked to the real estate agent about doing home inspection or becoming a real estate agent myself. I even came home and looked at the courses and requirements for doing real estate. The only thing that held me back from signing up then and there was the hours of the course - 9-5 for eight days, which I can't do because I'm still nursing the twins approximately 7 times an hour.

My husband has started saying "here we go" every time I bring up a new idea, and I don't blame him. I used to frustrate myself with my inability to find anything at all that sounded interesting to me, career-wise, and now I think "that might be fun!" about every job I come across. I'm not sure which is more annoying.

How old is too old for wondering what I want to be when I grow up?