More insanity from my children

Today was rich in crazy around here. A sampling...

I mentioned in a conversation with my big boy that older women can't have babies any more (don't ask, I get sucked into the weirdest topics with him). His response? "Because the hole closes up, right?"

The almost-4-year-old saw an episode of Little Einsteins this morning that has apparently scarred his poor weird brain for life. For those of you not familiar with it, Little Einsteins is not a scary show, unless cartoon children with disproportionately large heads and a propensity for bursting into song frighten you. And they should. But back to my wacky boy - there was a brief appearance on this morning's episode by a tortoise. Since he saw the tortoise, the boy has been glued to my side, unwilling to go upstairs or even to the bathroom by himself, and has been Rain Man-chanting this refrain: "the giant tortoise in my wall has strong claws and is going to kill me." I have tried logic (shocking that that didn't work), sympathy, tough love, etc, but he stuck with his concern and got shrieking hysterical if asked to go into his room. I may have toned it down a tiny bit by showing him the most innocuous looking tortoise picture on the internet, then telling him that tortoises like cabbage and giving him a head of cabbage to spread around the yard to lure the tortoise out of his wall and into the great outdoors. Sometimes, you just have to fight crazy with crazy.

Even the twins got in on the action today. I was trying to get them to make the sign language sign for "please" before each bite of dessert tonight, but they really aren't getting it yet. Finally, boy twin did the sign properly - but on his sister's chest, not his own. I wonder if it's making permanent dents on their psyches to be a group act?

There's lots of other stuff going on this week - I moved big boy to a new school (only 6 days before the start of the new school year) and girl twin got tubes in her ears today - but I had to get the funny in before my sieve of a brain lost it.

Sometimes I love my kids

I'm watching Pocahontas with my almost-6-year-old, and he just turned to me and said,

"This is like when brown people hated white people and white people hated brown people, huh?"

I love that racism is a history lesson in his mind. I hope he grows up into a world where it really is a thing of the past.

Heard around our house

My step-daughter flipped through Tivo and didn't find anything she wanted to watch, so she settled for American Idol. While watching the intro, she said, with real awe in her voice

"No wonder people like this, it's so sparkly."

Which leads me to the realization that I have so many kids because I like mocking people.

Kids say the darndest things

I want to post, clearly, but I have little to say. So here are some gems from the crazy little people who live here.

First - the five year old has recently taken over our old iPod shuffle. One of his favorite songs is Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" (he also loves Justin Timberlake, the boy was born for the top 40). With the earbuds in, his already loud voice reaches new peaks of loud as he shouts out what he believes to be the lyrics: "since you been gooooooooooone/I can't breed with a closed mind." Cracks me up every time.

Second - the three year old threw up in the car yesterday, thanks to his preschool's idea of a "healthy snack" (cookies and juice) followed by a one hour car trip. I asked him what happened (in a concerned mom voice), and he said "someone made it pour out of me."

Kids sure are dumb. Maybe that's the appeal - yes, my brain has been fried by parenthood, but I am still smarter than my offspring. Bigger, too. Plus I get to stay up late and eat chocolate whenever I want (though those are still probably not great ideas). Whee! I love being a grownup!

Not that there's anything wrong with that

My five year old is having a play date with the love of his life. They met in preschool two years ago, and although they see each other infrequently, their love is true and persistent. They have been playing blissfully for 6 hours, and then the little girl came into the living room and had this conversation with my mother:

Girl: Does Justin have any father?
My mother: Yes, his daddy will be home from work soon.
(long pause)
Girl: Are you his mother too?
My mother, trying not to choke: No, I'm his grandma.

OMG I'm dying laughing. I have now been suspected of being in a lesbian relationship with my own mother.

Editing to add: try doing a google image search on "lesbians" sometimes (preferably not while working on a monitored network). Ha! I love it when what I'm looking for and what google thinks I'm looking for are not in sync.