My children are idiots

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt (stop laughing, I do too), especially my own children. I mean, despite myself, I do have some pride invested in their accomplishments and attributes. Doesn't every parent glow a little when someone compliments her child's beauty or kindness or wit? So it's with a heavy heart that I must now concede that my children are imbeciles. My desire for the boys to have some redeeming quality forces me to admit that their stupidity has a certain originality to it. They are specialists, if you will, in a kind of destructive idiocy that I don't believe I even aspired to as a child. The following evidence in support of my conclusion is all drawn from the past week.

Exhibit A - my almost-3-year-old, after roughly 4039 reminders NOT to throw or kick the soccer ball in the house, has officially claimed the prize of First Child to Break a Window. I'm a bit surprised, as he is the 4th of our 6 children, and frankly I was certain our athletic second child would claim the honor. Won't he be embarassed when he learns that his little brother beat him to the punch?







Exhibit B - the 5 year old and almost-3-year-old, working in tandem, beat the living shit out of a plastic toy with the pried-off legs of their toy piano during a 30 second lull in supervision. We have so hoped for the boys to start enjoying each other's company, but recent events are leading us to reconsider that wish. They do seem to lower each other's IQ.

Exhibit C (C is for Clincher) - after playing a fairly normal, serene game involving cardboard squares bearing the letters of the alphabet, the two geniuses decided to deposit said cardboard squares in the dirty diaper pail. No, wait, that's not the dumb part yet! They then reached INTO the diaper pail to retrieve the squares. Then came in, triumphant, to show us their game - AND HANDS - streaked with baby poop.







We're so proud.

Our friends have been encouraging us to get a short bus, now that the twins are here and we no longer fit the whole family into even the largest of mini-vans. Now I think the short bus would be even more appropriate. My poor dim children.