My new invention

My two year old is showing signs of wanting the freedom of a real bed. He sobs and points at his brothers' bunks when it's time to go to sleep, and crawls right in if we're not fast enough to stop him. I know, I know, this shows that he's blossoming into an independent little person. The problem is that independent little people are a pain in the ass. There's a reason babies are appealing, and the reason is that we can lock them up. Don't call CPS - I don't mean in a closet, or with handcuffs, just a crib with nice, solid bars, no more than 2 3/8 inches apart.

In the near term, my solution is to quash my son's bid for independence by keeping him penned in until he actually dismantles the crib. He's obviously not bright enough for freedom anyway, as he is a skilled climber who is frequently found on top of couches and bunk beds and could therefore easily climb out if he really put his mind to it.

It's the long term that concerns me and is the necessity this mother needs to invent. My idea is this - a convertible crib that becomes not a toddler bed but a larger crib, one that can expand to full length and keep my son cooped up safely until he leaves for college. Since it is inevitable that he will eventually figure out how to escape it, my invention will require a secure lock and alarm system. Actually, as I type this, it occurs to me that my invention already exists, in the form of a jail cell. The genius of my plan is therefore not in the development but in identifying the home market. I wonder who at the local jail I can contact to establish a business partnership?