Stereotypical blogger introspection

I'm still new at the blog thing and trying not to beat myself up too much, but I'm surprised by how hard it is to find things to say. Anyone who knows me in real life can tell you that I'm not often at a loss for words - but somehow in this forum, awareness of an audience threatens to silence me. Especially goofy because I started the blog largely so that sense of audience (however imaginary) would motivate me to actually write instead of just thinking about writing as I have forever.

Actually, I discovered today that the forever above isn't accurate. Digging through my mother's hoarded stash of my childhood memories, I discovered journal after journal filled with stories I wrote in grade school, middle school, high school. So I guess I used to write - not especially well, if the sample I read today is any indication, but prolifically to be certain, and unselfconsciously, which is more than I can say for myself now.

I browsed through blogs tonight just to see what's out there and found many entries by people who had started blogging because they felt they had something to share but were then sort of stymied, either by the medium or the realization that maybe they didn't have all that much to begin with. That is probably my fear, that I feel I'm bursting with something to say but can't find it - maybe it's not there at all.

The other surprising thing (to me) about this blogging world is that I'm so unfunny. Many things strike me as funny on a given day (often hysterically, peeing-my-pants funny - today I laughed so loudly at something I don't even remember that I startled my 2 year old and he started crying, poor bug), but I'm coming to realize that I have a terrible memory and a mean sense of humor. As in, I can't actually write down most of the things I find funny in this forum, because I've told too many people I know to come read here, and I don't want anyone to recognize him or herself and be offended. I've actually gotten explicit license from one friend to use her as the butt of jokes on here, if only because I'm currently boring her to death, but since she gave me permission she hasn't done anything hysterical. At least not in my presense. At least not that I remember. That's another problem - my friends do a lot of funny stuff while I'm drinking, which only exacerbates the remembering problem.

Must stop blogging past my bedtime. I'll try to dream up something more interesting and come back tomorrow. Oh! Tomorrow should be entertaining - my mother's two sisters are coming to visit, and she hasn't spoken with one of them in something like 10 years. Our family is kind of like that with the silent treatment. It surprises me (and even more so, my husband), that no one is giving me the cold shoulder yet. My theory is that it's because I'm the only one with kids so far, so I'm temporarily valuable. Once my sister has kids, I'll be expendable and factions can begin forming against me.