Drinking is funnier in a small town

I went out (out! for the first time in several days!) with my friend Tivoli on Saturday. We went out where she lives, in Port Angeles, as my hometown has only one bar and we've already used it up. Port Angeles offered novelty and variety, not to mention convenience - Tiv's house is within easy walking distance of at least 2 places that serve beer. Easy walking distance includes a nearly vertical staircase from "downtown" to Tiv's residential neighborhood. The staircase seemed much easier on the way down, but we were sober then. And gravity works better for you on the way down.

Because I miss my husband and because everything is funnier when reflected in his amused reactions, I took notes while at the bars. They are hard to decipher (especially the ones at the end), and they include drawings that are impossible to describe and, due to technology constraints, impossible to scan, but they amuse me, so here they are. Commas also amuse me, as evidenced by that hideous runon sentence. Can you tell I've recovered from Saturday night's drinking and have started again? My liver weeps at this trip.

Please note, these notes are an exact translation of my drunken scrawl from Saturday, so any sense they do not make is the fault of my state of mind then, not now:

1st bar:
[Name] Crazy Fish
Says Aloha out front
stuffed sharks (2!) on ceiling w/tiffany lamp
crack ho used to work there [this note based on insider information from Tiv]
bad boob job in tube top

2nd bar:
man w/spiderman shirt
pole on dance fllor
knocked-in bathroom in middle of bar
eminem wannabe
maternity shirt [this later proved to be an actual pregnant person, complete with beer and cigarettes]
electric slide-like hip hop dance w/old owner (3 people), people hooting
velcro shoes
black light everywhere
stage w/velvet rope
clear heels w/lights
shot from fat girl's boobs (by girl) [this is accompanied by original, if untalented, artist's rendering of said act]
weird guy humping girl lying on floor (same fat girl from above)
then girl humps her face
lots of hoodies