The Eye of the Storm

The boy has taken up screaming at bedtime again.  I'm sure it's related to the many recent upheavals in his life, but I had so hoped this was behind us.  Tonight, he screamed for two and a half hours before finally collapsing into sleep, and the silence he left behind is deafening me with recrimination.  There must be something wrong with him, but even so it's my fault - I made him, and I haven't been able to figure out WHY he is like this, despite many a doctor's trip over the years.  How can anything ever feel like a success when this child so often feels like my worst failure.  I feel out of ideas and out of hope, and yet I was already so close to the bone, hopewise, that I can't feel the pain quite as much as usual.  Maybe hopelessness is the answer and not the question, something to be dealt with, not solved.