Thoughts on a tragedy

I had four majors in four years as an undergraduate, which should come as no surprise to people who know me well - I'm not terribly decisive. My sophomore year major was Political Science. In typical young-liberal fashion, I was determined to change the world, and I thought the best way to do so was from inside the system with which I found so much fault. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to law school or run for office or start a grass-roots change organization, but my enthusiasm waned quickly as I saw more and more seemingly insurmountable problems and felt my own smallness.

I still feel that uncomfortable mix of cowardice and helplessness when confronted with social issues that move my soul and turn my stomach. In this, the most powerful country in the world, there is so much simple human unkindness, so many things that would be different if only we could all agree to look out for each other. So many laws that try to be one-size-fits-all and end up suiting no one well. So many stupid rulings from stupid old men who choose convention and ingrained misogyny over compassion and common sense.

One such topic that has touched close to home recently in horrific fashion is domestic violence. In a nation that often seems to adopt "every man for himself" as its motto, women and children are far too often left with no place left to turn, trapped in lives of fear and secrecy. When a woman does muster up strength I can only imagine and leaves her abuser to save herself and her kids, she is almost entirely on her own. The few laws that are set up to protect her are weak and ineffectively enforced. If she tries to get child support (often desperately needed) and/or gets a restraining order (because the abuse and threats almost always escalate when she leaves), the abuser all too often uses her temerity as an excuse to snap entirely, and front-page tragedies ensue that leave pundits shaking their hands and wondering, dumbly, how this happened.

Isn't it obvious how this happened, how this keeps happening? If a man assaulted someone to whom he was not related, he would likely serve jail time. If he threatened a politician, he'd be locked up just for the threat and charged with terrorism. If he stalked a movie star, the star would get private security to supplement the extra police protection. But if he hurts his wife, his children, our society still turns a blind eye. If he threatens them, the woman has to choose whether to disappear (in defiance of laws protecting the man's rights to visitation, regardless of the heinousness of his crimes) or to try to live as normally as possible, hoping reason finds the unreasonable. If he kills them, some sick people will say the woman drove him to it with her unreasonable demands for support and security.

I don't have the answer. I hope smarter people do. This Christmas, in lieu of gifts to many of my nearest and dearest, I will be donating money to The Heartly House. I encourage everyone to consider donating to a group doing similarly critical work to protect mothers and children, either locally or at a national level. This Christmas, I'll be even more thankful for the serenity of my home and the safety of my children.