Balancing act, redux

I live a dual life, forgoing sleep to be mom by day and me by night.  It seems untenable and yet I am happy, happier than I have been in a long long while.  At home, I play with the kids and listen to songs that wrench my heart.  When out, I let my hair down, play the fool without guilt or fear, and it feels good to be myself.  Home again, home again, and still alone, I don't feel lonely but instead revel in the freedom of doing what I want, when I want.  Is it so awful?  I know there's something broken, something I'm not sure I care to fix.  I don't understand, literally can not relate to people caring about each other in the way I'm supposed to want to, the way I once did.  But I don't feel the lack, I don't yearn any more.  I don't miss it.  I don't want it.