Thursday, February 25, 2010

Grey

Today was a good day, better than maybe any day I've had this dismal, grey, snowy, eternal winter of a year.  Good news, good self-control, good feelings about the present and future, good feelings about maybe some day putting away the past.  I'm grateful to have had the break, I really am.  The high didn't last all that long, though - it's almost 1am and I've slid back down from rosy pink through neutral beige and into the imminent-danger grey zone.  Grey is the worst color, I think.  Black is at least absolute, white is hopeful and bright (even if all-too-present in the form of snow).  Grey just makes my eyes hungry, and its emotional equivalent makes the rest of me feel like one big yearning.  Not even sure what I'm yearning for.  Something with meaning?  Seems so trite.  Someone else's color to mix with this desolation?  Not really, not now, I don't have the energy.  I feel so flat, it's almost worse than feeling outright awful, or maybe it's just like the eternal debate over whether itching or pain is worse.  Better to feel terrible or nothing at all?  Terrible is terrible but nothing has the potential to go on and on and on....

1 comments:

Lobbelou said...

things will change and get better, but there will always be bad times. Just keep going. and little blue pills don't hurt either :-) Or come over and have a beer or two...