It's like Egypt around here

What with the plagues and all. Girly's ear infection is back/still here, but worse is the RAT infestation. Yes, rats. Giant-toothed, verminous, vile, foul, spine-chilling, big fucking rodents took up residence in our back enclosed porch. Oh. My. God. Gross. Fortunately, my husband has a friend who used to be an exterminator, and he came out this weekend to poison the rat(s). We know the poison was successful. How do we know? Because there is an odor about our house now that is so thick and vomitous that you can almost see it. My husband is a brave, brave man (or is a little boy trapped in a man's body - I asked if he was dreading the dead rat hunt and he said mischeviously, "I'm gonna poke it with a stick"). Anyway, he went to great lengths after work today to try to find our dead guest, but after tearing apart every conceivable place it could be, he had to admit defeat. We are hosting a party for the now-6-year-old on Sunday, and I would really prefer that the house not smell literally of death for the party.
As if that weren't enough, the aforementioned 6-year-old has reverted to his old ways this last couple weeks and is throwing Victorian-era hysterical fits about everygoddamnedthing for no. fucking. reason. But oh! I have a story about him that adds nicely to the portfolio of embarassing things I'm saving for his teenage years. Yesterday was his birthday, and one of his presents was a jar coin bank with a calculator thing on top to automatically count money as you put it in. Today, he wanted to play outside with the hose, but couldn't find his bathing suit, so he was sitting naked in the living room waiting for me to detach one of the milk-leeches and help him. While he waited, and I was only sort of paying attention here, he rubbed his penis all over the bank, then treated poor unsuspecting me to a very distressing display involving an odd gymnastic position, the bank, and his boy bits. I'm a little more scarred just thinking about it, like the rat thing isn't enough.