Little boys are weird

I always knew I wanted kids, but somehow I imagined myself with a large family of mostly girls. I am still sometimes surprised by the reality of life with four boys, and the huge differences between the boys and girls. I can't believe there was a whole generation back in the 70s and 80s that asserted that there are no innate differences between the sexes. And people say the drugs now are strong.

The kids had two days off from school this week - Monday for that trumped-up commercial joke of a holiday, Presidents' Day, and yesterday for...rain. Cold rain. Whatever. It's meant a lot of togetherness with public enemy number one, aka my 6 year old. Monday was possibly my worst day ever with him, which is certainly saying something. Yesterday was surprisingly not awful, leading me to hope that things were improving in the me-envying-mother-cats-who-can-eat-their-young area. Today, he has reverted to type, being mean as a snake to his brother, having extremely selective hearing, and throwing shit all over the house how hard is this goddamned rule DO NOT THROW SHIT IN THE HOUSE. We still have a broken window from 2 years ago - when home repairs are undertaken at this glacial speed, it's just good sense not to encourage projectiles in the house, right?

Against all logic, I let the 6 year old have two friends over for a sleepover tonight. Also against all logic, so far it's going really well. Sometimes adding kids really does make things easier (something I often tell people who seem surprised by our herd, but sometimes I wonder if it's true). Favorite moments so far include three half naked heathens streaking through the kitchen and into the bathroom, led by 6 year old yelling "follow me! into the shower!" A few minutes later, I heard the 4 year old tell his little brother, "push my nipple and see what happens." As of this typing, there is screaming and thumping coming from upstairs, but it seems to be of the happy variety. So far, anyway.

My life in bullets

I've had good intentions and poor follow-through on my blog this month. Topics I've meant to write about and haven't (and almost certainly won't get around to at this point):

• Taking classes (I'm awesome! All 100%s so far!)
• Teaching a class (big suck, hate it this semester, not doing it again)
• The primary election (I just voted, after changing my mind about who to vote for at least 37 times in the past week)
• Tae Kwon Do (enrolled 2 of the boys, and it seems to be making them lovely, who knew, crazy 4 year old even wore clothes with a face on them, unprecedented)
• Bingo ("Balls!" I went on Saturday and am totally hooked, must go again soon, totally worth the money just to see the bizarre subculture even when you don't win)
• Volunteering (still awesome, excellent motivation not to do drugs/go insane/drive into things/walk drunk down dark streets in front of traffic)
• The twins (trying to wean, still not sleeping, cute but speechless, girl peed on the potty twice but then lost interest)

See how much I talk to you all in my head? Isn't it faster to just get the Clif's Notes like this?

Me and Percy

I finally named the cat. We got him in September, and never settled on a name. My friend and her kids call him Cookie, because of the way I obtained him (from a stranger in a car at the park, just as we warn children not to take things). A couple of my children call him Panther, which is actually a pretty good name for him, as he is large and black and half-wild. Most of us just call him Kitty, but as he seems to double in size each week, that's starting to seem silly. This week, as the stupid cat tried over and over to get into my water glass, it occurred to me that his most distinctive character trait is persistence - maddening, insane persistence. Thus he has become Percy, at least to me. Percy, the cat of a thousand names.

It dawned on me this morning that I have a narrow but distinctive persistent streak myself (persistent sounds so much nicer than stubborn). I've always thought of myself as fairly wishy-washy, but on the few occasions that I actually commit myself to a goal, I don't let much deter me. Including common sense. I seem to have set myself just such a goal with this medical school madness. This morning, after being up almost literally all night with a stomach virus that left everyone else after 24 hours but really really likes me and does not want to leave, I drove to school at 7am in ice and rain, only to discover that the college had a one hour delay. I made good use of the delay in the bathroom in the student union (I'd better be thinner after this), and then proceeded to my 2 hour physics class, where I had to engage way more actively than my tired, dehydrated, ill body wanted me to in an experiment involving a bowling ball. I made it through without any horrifying incontinence-related emergencies, then returned to my car, only to discover that I had forgotten to hang my parking pass and had therefore received a ticket. And despite this, I fully intend to go back for more on Monday. Although hopefully without being a host for 8 zillion nasty stomach viruses.

My summary of the State of the Union farce

"Lean to the right, Lean to the...right, stand up, robots, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

Scene: the US Capitol building
Bush: blah blah blah
Republicans: leap to their feet and clap
(Repeat, ad nauseum)

Who's still thinking it's a good idea to hitch their cart to this jackass in an election year?

--------------------------------------------------
This just in: Dumbhole Dubya just said "our foreign policy is based on a clear premise"

I stopped listening to type this, so I don't know what his actual premise summary was, but I think the truth lies somewhere between the guesses in our living room:

My guess: "We're the boss of you"
My husband's guess: "We don't like brown people."

I'm officially old

I'm officially starting in-class pre-requisites next week (my organic chemistry class was online), so I went to the college today to pay tuition, buy books, get my ID, etc. My first indicator that I wasn't in Kansas (aka, the real live gwown-up world) anymore was the mile long line of prepubescent-looking fellow students at the bursar's office. To add insult to the injury of the long, young line, I appeared to be the only person actually giving money to the college. Everyone else was getting some kind of rebate. Lame. Do kids still say lame?

While I was in the only-old-people-pay line, I talked briefly with a life-sized Barbie doll, done up in full makeup and very fancy clothes to get her mystery rebate. The conversation went like this:

Barbie: Are you a transfer student?
Me: (incredulously) No, I'm old.
Barbie: Yeah, I know, but you could still be a transfer.

Yeah, I know? Biyotch.

And then, the final blow. After paying my tuition, I walked the 6 miles uphill in the snow (it was literally snowing, and uphill, but probably only felt like 6 miles) to the building where one gets one's student ID (because why put all adminstrative functions in one building?). I filled out my application form and stood in yet another line, then gave my form to the clerk. Her first question? "Have you been to HR yet?" It took me a minute, but then I realized what she meant and answered, "no, I'm not faculty, I'm a student."

Next week should be interesting.

My husband thinks I'm insane

In my ongoing quest for ways to make myself a more appealing med school candidate, despite my sub-par undergrad GPA (what I'd really like to do is a Jedi-mind-trick-style wave of the hand and say, these are the grades you're looking for), I have been researching international volunteer opportunities. Not only would it be supercool to travel to unlikely places (Mongolia! Moldova! other random places starting with the letter M!), but I could learn interesting things, possibly actually help people, look good on my med school applications, and join the movement toward volunteer tourism (the Today Show said there is such a movement, so it must be true).

My favorite international volunteerism website so far is Projects Abroad - in addition to volunteer opportunities in healthcare, teaching, etc, you can choose to do immersion language in a foreign country. Now THAT would be awesome. I really want to actually speak Spanish, especially because I'm always called upon at the hospital to talk to the Spanish-speaking patients, even though my Spanish is so poor that the patients and staff alike mock my efforts (and yet I'm the best speaker we have, scary). So, now the idea has evolved into me and my husband taking a two week vacation to some lovely remote location to learn a valuable skill together. Romantic, right? Sadly, my husband isn't feeling the love. A few of his choicer comments, made after I mentioned Senegal as a possible destination (I'm afraid these may reveal some unfortunate cultural biases on the part of my husband, which is a little funny considering I had to tell him where Senegal is):

• "Just what i wanted - a starving vacation where I don't understand anyone and I fear for my life."
• "Where is your internet connection? 'Here, put your letter in this camel's hump.'"
• "Hello, I am Keith. 'Hi, I'm Al, Al Queda.'"

He also tried to talk me out of my plan by asking if this was all in reaction to my aborted attempt, earlier in the day, to purchase some pretty clothes for my daughter on sale from Gymboree, home of strangely addicting and yet ridiculously priced children's clothing. He interrupted my discussion of the appeal of India to say, "would buying some red patent-leather shoes make this better?" I'm afraid we've passed the point where small red shoes can deter me. Although they are really cute, and I may have to get them also.

Other highlights of my day included a nap, a change from old pajamas to new pajamas (the hallmark of a truly decadent day), an abysmal failure in culinary adventure (don't ever try this recipe, it was putrescent), and a moment of agony in which I brilliantly poured boiling water not into the sink but rather onto my feet. Quite painful.

Off to peruse more volunteer websites. Can you hear my husband groaning?

I'm feeling underwhelmed

In a good way. I have lots of things going on - I'm a dabbler - but I feel happier and more free than I can remember ever being. It's entirely due to the enviable amount of support I get. I could never follow my bliss like this without a sugar daddy (my husband) to pay the bills and a free servant (my mother) to watch my kids and house.

I spent six hours at the hospital today. I know this is the right road for me, because I'm always disappointed when it's time to go, even when my back is breaking and my feet are aching and I've seen more horrific things that I never want to happen to me in one afternoon than I even imagined in my first 31 years of life. I'm looking forward to learning the art and science of medicine, but so far my hospital exposure has taught me more about myself than anything else. I've learned that I have a strong stomach and more curiosity than I thought. Most surprisingly, I've learned that I'm fairly patient and good with people, at least in small doses and short bursts. When I'm volunteering, I often end up "babysitting" patients who need a little extra care - because of excessive pain, or mental illness, or general neediness. I wouldn't have pegged myself as all that kind, but it's rewarding to see people chill out just because I'm holding their hands. It would be even nicer if such simple tricks worked on my kids.

I have to cut back my volunteering after next week, because school is starting up again. I'm retaking Chemistry I and Physics I, because my advanced age has resulted in my original grades being too old for med school consideration. Maybe this time I'll actually understand something in physics! I'm also teaching another computing class at a local community college. I hope I get as good a group of students this time as I did last time. I should probably start preparing for class. And pay my tuition. And change my volunteer schedule. And get groceries and make doctors' appointments and write a note to the boy's teacher and email the other boy's occupational therapist and clean my house.

No wonder I'm not overwhelmed, I'm not really doing very much after all.

I'm freakin' awesome

I got an A- in Organic Chemistry! I was so excited when I got my grade, I did a little dance including jazz hands that greatly entertained my friends at the hospital (I was volunteering when I got my grade). I feel like now I'm really and truly going to be a doctor, because I survived the first hurdle. Physics I and Chemistry I ought to be nothing after this, right? Right?

God, I hate Physics.

But yay me!!!!

My weekly update

I'm sure I'll be glad for the writer's strike once school starts back up and I don't have the distraction of new shows, but I'm missing good TV during my month-long hiatus. Of course, I could opt to use this time for personal enrichment or cleaning the house or going through the absolute avalanche of clothes in the children's rooms (only about 5% of which actually fit the children currently and, in the case of a certain insane 4 year old, do not have any designs on them), but naturally I'm choosing to just watch stupid reality shows and reruns and whine.

I'm also continuing my obsessive reading about all things med-school related. It's fun and new to me to be so interested in something for so long that is not a man or a child. I write practice personal statements in the shower, review calculus from library books in preparation for physics (god help me, I hate physics). I was beginning to get pretty seriously discouraged this week, when it became apparent that the final exam I took for my distance learning organic chemistry class on December 20 was just not making it to its final destination. The prospect of possibly having to retake the 4 hour exam was not pleasant. I spoke with people at both the proctoring service and the distance learning university several times, and finally lost my cool with one of them this morning - miraculously, 5 minutes later she called to say that the exam was sitting in their mail room and had never been sent. It does seem to me that if the job of a proctoring service is just to watch you take a test and then mail it, they ought to actually DO the mailing, but I'm so relieved that it isn't forever eaten by the postal system I guess I'll get over it. Of course, now I have to begin waiting in earnest for my grade - I hope I don't regret hounding them to find the test.

My new toy

I am typing this post from what is probably my favorite thing I have ever owned - my supercute crazy tiny PINK laptop. Now I HAVE to get straight As, right?

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my husband? It's not enough that he supports my crazy doctor dream, he also buys me little pink electronics. Woohoo!

Update: I realized after I posted that this picture makes the laptop look really big. It's like 8"x6". It's MINI. It's like a big iPod. I love it!

Parenting lessons

I am being unusually lazy today, even for me. It's freezing, and I have a headache, and there's nothing I have to do, so I'm opting to do nothing. I love doing nothing sometimes. I'll be busy enough in a month, when school starts back up for me (both teaching and taking classes), so I can rationalize soaking up the sloth now. Not that I can't always justify it, it's just easier right now.

Sadly, my 4 year old did not get the Mommy-gets-to-do-nothing-today memo. He wants me to play inane autistic games involving wood block armies and tinkertoy ship building - all well and good for brief periods of time, but unsustainable as all-day activity to a fully functioning brain. Hush, my brain is TOO fully functioning. So, I resorted to sort of just ignoring him (muttering "uh-huh" at intervals) and hoping he'd find an imaginary friend to play with instead. When this strategy backfired (he just got closer and closer to my face, asking questions like "you don't want to mess wif a fairy, right?"), I reached for that old parenting-excellence mainstay, the remote control.

Alas, I could not find it. Rather than channel (get it, channel?) my irritated energy into interacting with the boy, I spent the next 10 minutes tearing up the living room, finally emerging triumphant with my prize from under the couch. So now, there is peace in our time. I love the Backyardigans.

And there's today's parenting lesson, from me to you: never lose the remote.

Big girl, big dreams

I have been completely unmotivated regarding weight loss this past year, due to a combination of extreme sleep deprivation and unintentional weight loss through breastfeeding. The weight loss has tapered off now, though (and actually reversed some over the holidays), and I'm temporarily food-averse because of this lingering nasty stomach bug, and it's New Year's, and The Biggest Loser is on (although I'm fairly certain I'm the biggest loser for watching it). So, now I'm thinking thin, or at least less thick. I'm even considering trying to start running, using one of those couch-to-5K programs. I know, it's madness.

While I'm being semi-resolute, here are some other self-improvement plans I've been mulling over from my invalid state on the couch this week:

• Better parenting - I started the effort on this one tonight with new house rules and a clearly laid-out daily routine for Spazzy McGee my 6 year old.
• Better organization - I bought a purse calendar and everything! I'm finally conceding that six kids plus no memory requires a written schedule.
• Staying in touch - I need to make a better effort to let all of my friends know how much and how often I think of them, especially the ones I don't talk to often.
• Scholastic perfection - This year kicks off my real push toward medical school, and I need to be as close to perfect as possible to make up for a rough undergraduate record.

I swear there were more - I guess I'm not really all that motivated to pursue them if I can't remember them, though. Can you believe it's 2008? I LOVE 2008!

Goodbye, 2007

2007 is ending with a whine for me, instead of a bang or a whimper. Well, there may be a little whimpering. I have seamlessly (though not soundlessly) transitioned from fever and mucus to fever and stomach cramps (with some residual mucus), all compounded by a hellish visit from, how shall I put this, (cover your eyes, father-in-law) my monthly visitor. God help everyone who comes in contact with me, I am a whiny bitchy nightmare.

I'm very much looking forward to 2008, though, and not just because my stomach has to settle down at some point in the next 365 days. This will be the first year of my life that I've entered with a firm sense of purpose regarding career direction. My children are all well and mostly happy, my husband is lovely, my mother enables me in a wonderful way, I have amazing friends, and I have freedom of choice in just about everything I do, which I recognize as a very rare gift. Combine being able to do just about whatever I want and actually knowing what that is, and I'm a very lucky girl.

And, since I'm silver-lining-mining, this stomach bug is launching my annual effort to stop resembling a marine mammal nicely. I ought to shed those 5 holiday pounds in no time.

Sure is quiet around here

And I'm not even just talking about the deafening silence of my blog. My love and nemesis, the six year old, is off on a 4 day jaunt to the beach with his stepsiblings and their family. It is simply amazing how much easier my little three are to watch without the human noise egging them on to shrieks and stupidity, and how much less is the ringing in my ears without his incessant tonsil-less drone. What really is surprising, though, is how much I miss the little bugger. The vacancy he leaves is as large as you'd imagine, but more poignant than I predicted. I hope he's doing okay. Brave little toaster.

In other news, our Christmas was good. I remember how pointless and brief Christmas seemed to me during the years between childhood and childbearing. Christmas with my herd of monkeys is joy and chaos, the constant frenetic effort of weeks paying off in 30 minutes of flying paper and shrill happy voices. I caught my husband's cold just as I finished the last absolutely necessary task of holiday preparation and collapsed happily enough into my fever and mucus, grateful even through my whining that it hadn't hit me even a day earlier.

I leave you all with the Christmas picture I never got around to making into cards this year. Better late than never, right?

A meme from Cole

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower (in a pond at night)
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Holland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Culebra
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

That was really fun, you all should do it! I'm too lazy to elaborate on all/any of them, so post questions in the comments if you simply must know more.

A Long December

The holidays are taking their time reaching my grinchy heart this year, and I keep thinking sad and kind of hopeless thoughts. I've started listening to NPR in the car, which is not helping - whether the topic is this criminal administration or the too-long-ignored crisis of global warming, just driving around town is starting to affect my blood pressure. I am thinking too long and hard about big things I can't fix, can't even touch, and I'm starting to shrink in my own view. And then here at home, with my children to ground me and make me feel present and necessary, I am fretful and ineffectively concerned about someone I love. Her sadness is as big and far from my reach as anything on NPR.

For Christmas this year, I have more wishes to give than gifts. My wishes for my friend: That your sentence of grief is not long, and that time blunts the edge of pain soon, so you can visit your sweeter memories without getting hurt. That the world surprises you with moments of grace and beauty, now while you're doubting its capacity for goodness. That the friends and family you nurture so lovingly are able to reach you through your sorrow, so you know you're never alone.

Shark Puppies: The unspoken global warming threat

I am experiencing a return of the mysterious North American Sleeping Sickness I contracted last month, so I took a coma-like 3 hour nap this afternoon. During my blissful escape into unconsciousness, I had a very vivid dream. Global warming had proceeded apace, and I was walking along an icy shoreline with a leading scientist-of-the-future, who explained to me that climate change had resulted in a drastic evolutionary leap in sharks. The sharks, who were swimming conveniently right at the edge of the land so we could observe them, were now all having live birth, and their young lived on land and looked like puppies. While we spoke, one of the sharks had some of the aforementioned shark puppies, which were cute and round and black and brown, and the puppies started frolicking on the beach. My children, who appeared at this point as if from nowhere, were naturally drawn to the cute baby creatures, which then turned and bared their horrifying shark teeth, scaring the holy bejesus out of me and the kids. I really wish I had any artistic ability, because the vision of the gnashed-teeth shark puppies is really haunting me. Maybe I'll give it a shot later, I don't want to deprive anyone else of the horror.

Thoughts on a tragedy

I had four majors in four years as an undergraduate, which should come as no surprise to people who know me well - I'm not terribly decisive. My sophomore year major was Political Science. In typical young-liberal fashion, I was determined to change the world, and I thought the best way to do so was from inside the system with which I found so much fault. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to law school or run for office or start a grass-roots change organization, but my enthusiasm waned quickly as I saw more and more seemingly insurmountable problems and felt my own smallness.

I still feel that uncomfortable mix of cowardice and helplessness when confronted with social issues that move my soul and turn my stomach. In this, the most powerful country in the world, there is so much simple human unkindness, so many things that would be different if only we could all agree to look out for each other. So many laws that try to be one-size-fits-all and end up suiting no one well. So many stupid rulings from stupid old men who choose convention and ingrained misogyny over compassion and common sense.

One such topic that has touched close to home recently in horrific fashion is domestic violence. In a nation that often seems to adopt "every man for himself" as its motto, women and children are far too often left with no place left to turn, trapped in lives of fear and secrecy. When a woman does muster up strength I can only imagine and leaves her abuser to save herself and her kids, she is almost entirely on her own. The few laws that are set up to protect her are weak and ineffectively enforced. If she tries to get child support (often desperately needed) and/or gets a restraining order (because the abuse and threats almost always escalate when she leaves), the abuser all too often uses her temerity as an excuse to snap entirely, and front-page tragedies ensue that leave pundits shaking their hands and wondering, dumbly, how this happened.

Isn't it obvious how this happened, how this keeps happening? If a man assaulted someone to whom he was not related, he would likely serve jail time. If he threatened a politician, he'd be locked up just for the threat and charged with terrorism. If he stalked a movie star, the star would get private security to supplement the extra police protection. But if he hurts his wife, his children, our society still turns a blind eye. If he threatens them, the woman has to choose whether to disappear (in defiance of laws protecting the man's rights to visitation, regardless of the heinousness of his crimes) or to try to live as normally as possible, hoping reason finds the unreasonable. If he kills them, some sick people will say the woman drove him to it with her unreasonable demands for support and security.

I don't have the answer. I hope smarter people do. This Christmas, in lieu of gifts to many of my nearest and dearest, I will be donating money to The Heartly House. I encourage everyone to consider donating to a group doing similarly critical work to protect mothers and children, either locally or at a national level. This Christmas, I'll be even more thankful for the serenity of my home and the safety of my children.

A Weird Week

We had a lovely, relaxing Thanksgiving with friends, but tragedy struck just once-removed the next day and I've felt useless and sad ever since. It's not my tragedy, but I love my friend and I hate how sad she is and how helpless I am to do anything to make her feel better.

And (much less importantly), my husband is out of town on business tonight and I hate that. He should always be within fetching distance (as in, please fetch me ice cream, please fetch me a blanket, please fetch me a valium). My children have been shockingly unloathesome while he's been gone, so that's one bright spot. And here's another...

Today, I was doing a phone interview with some people who used my 4 year old son in a research study recently (I have a lot of kids, might as well loan them out as lab rats, right?). The woman asked if my boy knew what to do in case of an emergency.

Me: I don't know, let me ask him. Buddy, what do you do if there's an emergency?
Boy: Call the police.
Me: Yes, but how do you call the police?
Boy (emphatically): You dial SIX SIX SIX.

If ever I needed proof that my children are more than usually wicked, here it is.

I'm officially lazy. Also, I still hate George Bush.

My bloodwork from last week finally came back (and I only had to call the office three times - anyone have a primary care physician recommendation for me?), and everything was completely fine. I still feel like the victim of a slow-motion underwater mugging, but apparently I'm just really really lazy. I can live with that, I guess. This whole adventure has reminded me just how much I can't stand doctors, by and large. Kind of masochistic to want to be one, huh?

My big boy had a political discussion with two of his friends during carpool today - they were comparing notes on why George Bush is a bad guy. It's a little sad that the 6 year old set has it more together than the 30% of Americans still giving this yahoo an approval rating, isn't it? The latest in my personal loathing has to do with the opening of military airspace to facilitate holiday travel. It offends me that the White House doesn't even pretend to hide their own hypocrisy. We're in constant and imminent danger from terrorism, to a degree that requires us to suspend the Geneva convention, wage preemptive war, and invade citizens' privacy, but Thanksgiving travel transcends our need for secure airspace? It's like the last vestige of an actual defensive military has now been removed - our military is now officially only for offense. As long as no one's late for dinner tomorrow, I guess our security doesn't matter that much after all. And of course, we have to advertise the opening of the airspace. I sometimes get the feeling that the whole crowd running the country right now are thumbing their collective nose at the rest of the world, including and maybe especially American citizens.

Happy Thanksgiving!